Hate our Family?

Now large crowds were traveling with him, and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:25-26

This was a very difficult and confusing passage when I first read it and for several years after. I don’t hate my family and I don’t think Jesus is saying we need to literally hate them. Matthew addresses this slightly different….

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household.  “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, -Matthew 10:34-37

Matthew’s gospel does not use hate but says we need to love Jesus more than our family and that our family will be our foe. What is going on here? We need to read on….

Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.  For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If he cannot, then while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace. So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions. - Luke 14:27-33

and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. - Matthew 10:38-39

This is about the cost of following Jesus, following Jesus requires a sacrifice; which is clear in this passage. How will following Jesus cause division with our family?  Did it with Jesus and his family? The three canonical gospels tell of Jesus’ mothers and brothers coming to see him, but Jesus says whoever does the will of God is His family. I don’t think it is hard to understand why that would cause a division in a family. It is not that He did not love His earthly family but that we are all children of God, we can all choose to be part of His family.

Then how about His hometown?

He (Jesus) said to them, “Doubtless you will quote to me this proverb, ‘Doctor, cure yourself!’ And you will say, ‘Do here also in your hometown the things that we have heard you did at Capernaum.’ ” And he said, “Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in his hometown. But the truth is, there were many widows in Israel in the time of Elijah, when the heaven was shut up three years and six months and there was a severe famine over all the land, yet Elijah was sent to none of them except to a widow at Zarephath in Sidon. There were also many with a skin disease in Israel in the time of the prophet Elisha, and none of them was cleansed except Naaman the Syrian.” When they heard this, all in the synagogue were filled with rage. They got up, drove him out of the town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they might hurl him off the cliff. But he passed through the midst of them and went on his way. - Luke 4:23-30

Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?” they asked. “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.” And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith. - Matthew 13:54-58

His hometown was so mad at Him that they wanted to kill Him.  From Luke we hear that they had heard what he had done at Capernaum and they were expecting at least the same. However, in Matthew we hear how they took offense at Him and about their lack of faith. Jesus tells them about how God had helped two gentiles (the window at Zarephath and Naaman) even though there were many in need in Israel.

How about the Jews in general? 

“There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out. People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God. Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last.” - Luke 13:28-30

Again, Jesus does not show favoritism to the Jews. Jesus is the promised Jewish messiah from scripture. He does start His ministry with Jews, however it opens up to Samaritans and to gentiles. Jesus tells how a Samaritan understands how to “love your neighbor”, while Jewish leaders did not (Luke 10:30-37).  He also states how He has found greater faith in a gentile than in all of Israel (Matthew 8:5-10). It is not about genealogy, ethnicity or nationality. He does not create an earthly Jewish kingdom, His kingdom is for all equally.

Jesus even states that not everyone that calls him Lord will enter His kingdom. It is all about following…

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ - Matthew 7:21-23

Jesus gives an open invitation for all to follow Him, Jew or gentile equally, it is not an earthly kingdom at all. It is a kingdom open globally to all; where those with the greatest needs are the most important; where greatness is measured by personal sacrifice. It is a kingdom where the citizens don’t put their own needs and safety first. Most want a religion that puts its followers first, that their wealth and their safety comes first. They want riches and to kill their enemies. A god that is on their side. What to think about family and friends that don’t put our family, our group, our nation first?  That is the rub, that is why it appears that we hate our friends, family and even our nation. It is expected that we put our needs and the needs of those closest to us first.  In this kingdom we can not use violence against another because we know that they are invited to the kingdom just as much as us.  We can not store up wealth because the needs of others are just as important.  It is the power of love that will prevail against all odds, but it will win.